Hello guys! So we recently caught up with this amazing personality, he is a doctor on many levels, first of all, he is a medical doctor, a relationship counselor (which makes him a doctor of the heart), a life coach, a speaker and a prolific writer who recently authored a book titled ‘Drops From My Heart’. He is Doctor Olulade Ebenezer, and he spoke on How To Fix Communication Problems In A Relationship. Read the excerpt below.
Can we meet you, sir?
I’m Dr. Olulade Ebenezer. The Medical Director at St Albert the Great Clinic. I am a prolific relationship and leadership coach proven to help people enjoy the best of love and life.
What is the importance of communication in relationships?
It is my belief that communication is the very blood that courses through the vessels of any relationship. Without it, relationships go into shock and suffer an expected demise. Dialogue causes people to engage themselves intellectually, where their minds are caught in a dance with each other, in a stimulating rhythm that is dictated by what they know about love, about life, about how they view themselves and the world around them. It is through communication that they understand the languages of love that they speak and creates an emotional intimacy that is hard to crumble. Everything can go wrong in a relationship, but if they are still talking meaningfully, the door is still open for miracles.
What is the main cause of break down of communication in a romantic relationship?
Well, communication often takes the hit first when something is wrong in a relationship. Guys are not generally expressive verbally and often, the masculine ego gets in the way of talking about what’s wrong. They often prefer to go in a cave and figure it out right in his head.
Ladies who are inclined to talk often communicate their emotions and not the snag. So they nag and assume they have made their points known while the guy sits rattled on the edge of the couch wondering what in the world her point is. This existing reality that often characterizes how guys and ladies react in front of an issue; leave a dialogue gap that shuts down the potential of a good conversation.
How can a couple know they are not communicating enough?
Communication evidently closes the gap between two people. There are soft details about each other you get to know when you do more than talking but communicate in the language of the person who listens to you. The end result is truly missing when communication is absent. I can tell you, for instance, how my fiancée is going to feel about going out or about public display of affection. That knowledge goes beyond saying she feels nice about it. No, I can tell you a lot more than that description. Our emotional proximity has swollen to this point because I do not just talk to her; I listen to her even beyond the words that she says.
Is it just enough to talk? Chat? or there is more to communication than talking?
Of course, chatting is a start but there’s only two-dimensional information one can pass across in a digital chat. “I’m traditional,” I once told someone. I believe our digital world does not fully help us capture the complete rewards of natural conversations without a digital interface. There’s nothing like having a conversation where the lights are dim, the scent is rich, the wind blows her hair across her face and its shadow smites your eyes with the beauty that you see. It is in these environments that the natural force of love comes alive; you get to know how he smiles, what he sees when he looks at a woman, what he’ll pick first in his spoon from a combination of rice and plantain etc. You need to hear more than what someone says to truly know the person. This cannot only come in a casual chat or video calls.
From your experience as a relating With young folks, what do you think is the main reason for communication breakdown?
Young folks easily make romance the reason of their relationships and forget that their relationships will confront bigger issues than being pinned to the wall and kissed. So when those issues come, they lack the maturity to keep a dialogue open. The feely-feely stuff goes out the window and they no longer know what to do with each other. That’s a reason why break-ups are on the rise. Love between very young people is often marred by the scourge of unbridled emotions to the point that it lacks the commitment to deal with grown-up issues when they arrive.
How can couple fix communication issue in their relationship?
There is one way to fix communication—it is to communicate! There are no shortcuts. One must decide to do so whether one feels like it or not. Don’t be afraid to confront the issues that threaten your togetherness. It is important you don’t stifle the opportunity to make communication happen. Don’t scream your partner down for raising an issue that he or she feels is important to be discussed. No-one speaks up when they feel subdued. Most definitely, learn the best way to present an issue. It is easier for you to be heard when you are not yelling or nagging.
What is your advice to couples experiencing a breakdown of communication? Should they just give up on the relationship or hold on?
Find out what’s causing the breakdown in communication and fix it. If you both trust an older person or a counselor to help you, you can let the person help you explore these reasons. But it must be by mutual consent as a third party easily causes unwanted friction. Don’t assume the other party is the one not communicating properly. Chances are that you are just as guilty too. Look inwards, make adjustments and be patient for results. You can’t give up on a relationship that you have not tried fixing by dialogue.
That’s all guys, I am sure you have gotten some pointers to spice up communication in your relationship. To reach Doctor Olulade Ebenezer, just click here, I am sure he will be excited to listen to you and offer the right counsel.