Dayo and Peju (not real names) met and fell in love in the university, like every love affairs, theirs wasn’t problem free, but somehow, they managed to overcome their obstacles, making their relationship blossom by the day. But there was something bothering Dayo, something he couldn’t get over no matter how much he tried. Right from time, Dayo knew there was a call upon his life and he was getting ready for it, but then, the woman he hoped to fulfill this spiritual call with wasn’t as spiritual as he desired, of course he tried to help her, but no matter how much he tried, Peju was unable to meet his expectations, so Dayo ended the relationship.
Fast forward to some years after school, Dayo is now a minister of the gospel and unmarried, he was on an international flight to another country to minister when he met Peju, his ex-girlfriend. They got talking and during the course of their discussion, Dayo got to know that Peju is now happily married and she is a minister herself, in fact, she was on that flight to attend an international conference, awwww! Surprised?
Just imagine the thoughts that would have gone through the mind of Dayo at that point. Regrets? Yes, there must be thoughts of deep, painful regrets in the heart of Dayo. This story, though true is a summary of the love life of a lot of us. I have heard and read stories of ‘girl leaving boy cause boy is a broke ass and a hustler’, but this piece is way deeper than that.
Dayo’s mistake was seeing Peju as a completed work instead of a work in progress. I know that come what may, some relationships will fail, no matter the patches and adjustments, but before giving up on someone, you need to be sure you aren’t expecting works of 10 years to be completed in 2 years all because you are now in the picture.
Let’s use production process as an example, when you go to the market to buy bread, what you want to see is a bread, well packaged and wrapped, but that is not the same for a Baker, when a Baker sees a bag of flour, with sugar, margarine and other ingredients, he is seeing a bread, but a bread that must be processed to be edible. No gold digger digs with the aim of finding a shinning and beautiful jewel, no! Only a novice will think that, and even such novice will see real gold and throw it away, reason? It is not shinning and attractive. What we see and admire in gold is a product of a tough refining process.
Don’t make the mistake of comparing people along the way, nope, we are not all the same, she can never be like your ex, your mother or your sister, but you can help her become the best version of herself. That it took Mr A 2 years to achieve something doesn’t mean Mr B will achieve same within 2 years, the duration may be shorter, and it maybe longer. You want orange juice right? Mr A maybe the already squeezed out orange inside the bowl, but Mr B may be an orange in the orchard waiting to be plucked, Mr A needs sugar syrup to be made, but Mr B needs to be plucked, then washed, then peeled and squeezed before reaching the syrup stage, but at the end if the day, both Mr A and Mr B are orange juice raw materials.
No great man or woman will tell you “I have always been like this”, as we grow in stature, so do we grow in wisdom and tact, therefore, when you meet people, see them as a raw material, train your mind to see beyond the ‘now’, to see people as loaded and potentials, cultivate the habit of not dismissing people simply because they do not meet the high standard you have in mind, that way, when you indeed decide to dismiss or move on from someone, it will not be because he is a ‘bad product’, but it will be because you are reasonably sure that this raw material can never be used to produce the type of product you have in mind. When you want to eat amala, you look for yam/cassava flour and not garri, but what will you call a girl who desire amala but is given yam flour, water, pot and spatula only to drop them on the floor screaming, “this is not what I asked for!