Am I really in love or just attached to this person? This is a question we have had to ask at one point or the other in our lives. Feeling attached to someone especially when you have been lonely can be great, so great that you may even confuse it for love. But you see, knowing the differences between love and attachment can be so confusing because they all in some cases exhibits similar characters, but the point of divergence is usually the root.
Understanding how the whole thing started or what motivated the feelings of emotions can save you some stress, especially when you are at the receiving end. Some months ago, I had to take a look at some members of the opposite sex I was close with, especially those I talk to every day. From my reflections, I discovered they were all in my life for different reasons, reasons that have nothing to do with love, at least at the initial stage. You know why I did that? It is to avoid stories that touch. Me I cannot be falling in love with someone who is using me to pass time o, God forbid.
You see, that someone talks to you every day, ask if you have eaten and all that doesn’t mean they love you. Someone may tell you every single thing about their life, share every moment and burden but it is just an attachment and not love. You see, with love comes root, root so deep you don’t know it end, but attachment is usually shallow and transient.
you may not be able to tell if you indeed love a person or if a person loves you by how you fell, but some fruits will help you sort out your feelings in time.
1. Attachment is quick to develop: Of course, love often begins with attraction, something will draw you to the other person consciously or unconsciously, but after the attachment stage, there is a knowing stage, the stage you begin to know who you are dealing with, you basically can’t love what you don’t know. But you see, with attachment, knowing is not really necessary like that, all the person needs is for you to be there, that’s all, and it doesn’t matter if you are there broken and down. You two may talk every day but he/she still doesn’t know the real you because the real you is not that important. you are like a carcass with intelligence and emotion.
2. Self Centeredness: You know why someone that is just attached to you may not really care so much about knowing you? Because attachment is self-centered. It is all about me, myself and I. How does she respond when you say you can’t hang out because you need to attend a meeting or a personal issue elsewhere? She gets angry. So what was his reaction when you mentioned you wanted to spend the weekend with some friends instead of with him? He got so vexed he didn’t talk to you all through the weekend.
When you love someone, you want to be around the person as much as possible, but when the person is not available, you take it in good faith because you know what you are interested in is HIM or HER and not just the attention. But with attachment, it is a different ball game as attachment feeds ONLY on the attention. There is security only when attention is given, so no attention, nothing to call a relationship at all.
3. Disregards Flaws: When you are in love, you don’t ignore the flaws of the other person but you learn to accept and live with the ones you cannot change. But you will easily discard the flaws of the person you are with if you are just attached to them, sometimes, till it is too late. Remember I said the person you are attached to is feeding your needs, so when you notice some flaws, even the ones you know you cannot cope with, you will most likely ignore them because flaws or not, you can’t imagine living without the attention the person is giving… you live outside the real world or reality.
4. Doesn’t Improve You: Let me ask since you guys started the relationship, how have you become better? How has the relationship improved any areas of your life? You guys talk every day but what influence is the relationship having on you? is the relationship making you better at what you do or it is still the same old’ you? Love will not just do things that please you, love will use every method in the book to see you grow and become a better person. Someone who is just attached to you may do good things once in a while, as a result of coincidences or when it is convenient. But someone who loves you will SEEK to bring out the best in you even if it takes stepping on your toes.
5. Love Lasts, Attachment is Transient: Don’t get it twisted, an attachment can last for long too, but most of the time, attachments dies when it is no longer being fed. Have you seen someone cries and fall sick over a broken relationship only to be back on the feet and in love with someone else after just a month or even less? Love doesn’t let go that easily, but attachment can.
6. Attachments are Easily Replaceable: Like I said in the point above, you cannot say you truly love someone today and you are ready to move on with another person the next. Attachment is mostly about having your needs met, so what happens when you meet someone who meets your needs and gives you more attention? You will gradually detach yourself and move on. This is the reason some of us wonder why someone we talk to every day gradually stops talking, we thought they were in love, but hell no! they were just attached to us because of something we are doing for them, so when they met someone who does it better, the law of value sets in, they move to the better one, leaving us heartbroken.
The point is that you need to protect yourself, don’t get committed to someone that is just attached to you because there is no hope in it. And also, protect others too, don’t take advantage, check your feelings, once you know it is is just attachment, let them go, don’t give them hope you can be together all to achieve your selfish purpose.
Before you go, Have you read #Dating101: How To Handle Rejection
Do you have a story of Love vs attachment you wanna share with me? Don’t hesitate to drop your comment or reach me at Lifelinkswithfolks@gmail.com
Merry Christmas in advance
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