I was chatting with some colleagues today when someone raised a question. ‘Why do you love someone today and after a short while, you discover you no longer love them that much? Basically, why do we fall out of love? what is that thing that kills attraction and emotion? Why do we find it difficult to stay in love for a long time?
Truth be told, there is no universal answer to this question. just like we all are uniques, the reason we are unable to hold a relationship for long varies from one person to another too. But I am sure you will be able to pick one or two from these points.
1. The Basis Of The Attraction Is Shallow: Usually, this is often the reason many fall out of love so easily. What they call love is usually not love. (Click here to discover how to know you are in love). I once read a guy complained he loses interests in a girl once he sleeps with her, no matter how much he was in love before the sex. ‘Excuse me, does this guy even know what love is?’ that was what I asked myself.
You meet a guy, you like the boobs, the lips look soft, her ass, so on point. Then she talks, oh! mehn! the voice sounds like an Angel and you wondered where she has been all your life. Before you say ‘Jack’, she is already in your thought, you feel like speaking to her every day of your life and you concluded you are in love already. Oh! I forgot, the tingling between your legs each time she smiles… you know the rest now, *winks*
Same goes for a girl, he is tall, dark and handsome with pink lips, and the British accent? So dope. Then you like his composure, his charisma. to cap it all, he is loaded, drives a nice car, wears expensive clothes, you say to yourself, ‘he must be rich and comfortable’.
All these are not bad on their own but they are not enough to sustain a relationship. Yes, the body wants something, but the soul will always want more when the person you are with is not able to meet the yearning of the core of your being, you begin to thirst and long for something new and different. this is worse if you don’t know what you are looking for in the first place.
2. You Don’t Know What You Want: When you don’t even know what you want, there is a great possibility you will focus on the wrong stuff while you ignore the right ones. No man can be as unsatiable like a man who does not know what he wants. Today, Nike is bae, next week, Sandra is the boo of life, two months later, Sharon is the best of them all. Ask him what he sees in Sandra, nothing concrete to say, ask why he broke up with Nike, ‘I got bored’. Now ask what attracted him to Sharon aside her looks, ‘well, he can’t say either’. Such a man or woman will find it hard holding on to anyone.
3. You Are Not Ready To Open Up: One thing adults do in relationships is opening up. When you are not ready to allow anyone see the real you, you may be falling in and out of love real quick. Some people have built a wall around themselves so each time anyone tries to get really close, they run. If this is you, then you may need to look inside and check your fears. Find someone you can trust and open up to them.
4. Love At First Sight Syndrome: I am not disputing love, at first sight, is real, but just a sight is not enough to decide you want aa relationship with someone. “Who knows what is in the heart of a man except for the spirit within him?” There are many questions you need to find answers to before concluding you want a relationship with someone, and you cannot get answers to them if all you know is by sight. So give it time.
5. You Lack Patience: Yea, you are lonely and you need someone in your life, but hey, not every girl you meet is a potential girlfriend and not all dudes that say ‘hi’ are potential boyfriends. That someone meets your physical spec doesn’t mean the person will be a good fit for you. So calm down and stop putting the cart before the horse.
Whatever may be your reason, whichever number you fall under, endeavour to build a friendship first. You meet a guy, you like him, he likes you too, a relationship may be on your mind, but first try to be a friend. Get close to the person, get to know her without the pressure of a relationship. This way, you will be able to sort out your feelings and make a logical decision.
One of the best things that could happen to anyone is to end up with a friend.
I’m sure you have learned one or two things. Don’t forget to drop a comment below.
Much love! *Nwaaah*